My Long Journey Back To Health
This month I am celebrating my 10 year Healthiversary. (Yes I just made that word up). Ten years ago , I finally started to prioritize my health. I began digging out of a very deep hole — one I had dug myself. A decade of working hard to build my career, caring for a special needs child, sick in-laws, and neglecting my own care. My body had slowly broken down — no longer able to function. Getting out of bed hurt. Walking hurt. I didn’t have the energy to care for my children. I was only 36. I didn’t know what to do. How did this happen?
My body started to break down
It was the summer of 2006. I was happily settled into a new job that was going well. My work hours were much more normal than in my previous role, so I could get home at a reasonable hour to care for our 2 sons, who were 9 and 1. So everything sounds great, right? Except my health started going downhill. My back ached in the mornings. I thought it was time to get a new mattress. I got bronchitis, but thought I just needed a rest. I was run down and tired. I got sick again a month later. And again, and again, each time about a month apart. I got chest infections every 4–5 weeks that whole summer. By the fifth time I didn’t bother with the antibiotics. This was ridiculous!
I felt a lump in my armpit that felt like a marble. My doctor didn’t like the look of it, as it was larger than 1cm. She referred me to a surgeon, and while I waited for an ultrasound appointment, I researched what it could be. I diagnosed myself with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. (Thank you Web MD.) I looked up the survival rates for women my age, and they were actually pretty good so I thought that was a positive. I didn’t tell my husband because I didn’t want to worry him. (Can you see a clue of the real problem?)
Is it Cancer?
I went in for the ultrasound and a mammogram, and after all the tests all I got was weeks of worry. Luckily there was no sign of cancer, but my lymph nodes were swollen. The surgeon explained the lymph nodes were the garbage cans of the body and they were getting backed up. Every time I got sick I would get swollen lymph nodes in my armpits and behind my ears. I got a referral to an Internist who ran some blood tests, asked a few questions and generally acted like I was just over-reacting. After all, I was young, and was probably just stressed out from life with work and kids. My symptoms didn’t fit the profile of any serious illnesses you had to worry about dying from. Beyond that he had nothing useful to say. His conclusion was my series of illnesses was a run of bad luck. Terrific. Not very helpful.
Am I having a Heart Attack?
I was also getting pains in my chest for no apparent reason that would come and go. I had more chest infections that fall and would experience chest pain frequently, so I was referred to a Cardiologist. You could see he was puzzled as to why a 36 year old woman was in his office. In his line of work, I was too young and healthy to have heart disease, so he wasn’t much use.
A few weeks later I went on a business trip to Detroit. I was at the hotel and my chest pains were getting extreme, to the point where I moved the phone next to my bed so I could reach it if it got much worse. What if I had a heart attack and there was no one there to help me? Should I go to the emergency room? No way. I was too embarrassed to talk to my coworkers about this. I still didn’t ask for help or tell anyone. It just seemed too bizarre that this was happening to me. When I got home I called the Internist who had seen me. He said if I felt bad enough I should go to the emergency room. If the pains were constant it was unlikely to be a heart attack. But he had no idea what it could be. I was totally fed up with everyone’s inability to tell me what was wrong with me. I was tired, in pain and drained of energy all the time.
Take 2 pills and call me in the morning
My back ached regularly. I had forgotten to mention that to any doctor for the previous year because it was just routine now. It was the worst when I woke up. My knees ached too. My GP referred me to another doctor for my back. They prescribed powerful anti-inflammatory drugs and told me to get an MRI. The side effects of the drugs could put a hole in my stomach, and I knew I didn’t want to go down that path. I knew there was something wrong with me, but taking a bunch of pills without solving the underlying problem felt wrong. So I kept putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get on with my life. I had too many wonderful things in my life to be feeling this bad. I was exhausted — but what choice did I have? My kids needed me, and I wanted to be there for them. I had a job I enjoyed with people who treated me well. I didn’t want to give that up. What should I do?
What’s Fibromyalgia?
I was getting desperate. It was getting harder and harder to get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other and keep going through the motions of my life. I kept weighing my options. Not taking care of my kids wasn’t an option. I had help, but I was still exhausted and in pain. This was the easiest schedule in years but I couldn’t manage it. I started thinking about going on Long Term Disability through my work insurance. I didn’t know how to tell anyone how bad I felt. I didn’t look sick. It wasn’t a visible illness. If you have the flu you go to bed. If your arm is broken it’s in a sling. I felt like I didn’t have any “proof” of what was wrong with me. I knew it was there, but it didn’t seem real enough to share. But I was getting near the end of what I could keep doing. Something had to give.
I felt like a cripple in the mornings. I could hardly move until I had a shower, and it occurred to me this wasn’t normal. Duh. It was time to see my doctor again. I told her again about my backache, along with exhaustion, chest pains, and pains in my knees, legs, arms and fingers. I would ache in different spots at different times for no apparent reason. To her credit my doctor arrived at a potential cause for all this quite quickly once presented with a basket of symptoms, instead of one issue at a time.
Fibromyalgia was the potential diagnosis, although it would take a Rheumatologist to formally diagnose it and it would take 4 months to get an appointment. At least now I had a name, something I could investigate. I ordered some books and buried myself in reading. Everything fit too well. The bad news was this was supposedly incurable, but it was definitely treatable, mostly through diet and exercise. It still didn’t seem real that I had a disease even though everything I read fit. There were millions of people suffering from this — mostly women, and most of them spent years undiagnosed, being treated like hypochondriacs.
The fact there were controllable things I could do to make it better was encouraging. Telling me it was incurable was actually helpful to me. I love the challenge of doing something you tell me I can’t do. I’m stubborn and I like to prove people wrong. “Can’t cure this disease? Just watch me!”. When it comes to our health, what we believe is true. This gave me a purpose.
Is there a Natural Approach?
I didn’t want to start with medication, not until I had done everything I could with lifestyle choices. A friend referred me to a Naturopath. Contrary to my ridiculous stereotypes, there were no scented candles or chanting. Within half an hour she determined I was anemic, my Ph levels were out of whack, and she was sure she could have me feeling significantly better in 3 months. Her approach was:
You didn’t have all this pain a few years ago, so let’s strip out all the bad stuff that has built up in your body, put the good stuff back in and see what happens.
She said it with more technical terms that sounded better, but that was basically it. She didn’t put much stock in the term “Fibromyalgia”. It’s just a cluster of symptoms. I had a partner in my recovery for the first time!
After some more diagnostics, she told me my thyroid was low, my iron levels were very low, and so were my stomach acids. This meant it didn’t matter how healthy my diet was, my body wasn’t able to digest the nutrients. And without nutrients, the “bad stuff” in my body had taken over. What caused low stomach acids? And why had my doctor not found my iron or thyroid problems? Low stomach acids are a result of age and stress and we all lose them gradually as we get older. Constant stress just hurries that process up. Why had I never heard of this before?
I was excited to have a new path and a program I could follow. We started with a 30 day detox, and as expected, I felt lousy for a week as all the toxins started to come out of my body. At the end of the month the biggest difference was my energy. Even though I was still in pain, I had energy and started to feel more like myself. After 2 months, I still had back pain and headaches and sore throats, but continued to improve every day. My energy levels were better which made coping with pain easier.
Prioritizing MY needs
Over six months I progressed through a number of different cleanses and treatments, each stripping out toxins and slowly building back my health. The last step was a 3 month sugar cleanse — just basic clean eating with no chocolate, wine, or processed foods. I eliminated almost all of the pain I had been experiencing, had most of my old energy back, and even lost 20 lbs. Which all felt amazing. Most importantly, I was learning to listen to my body — if something felt bad I needed to pay attention and figure out why it was happening. I now prioritized MY needs for the first time in my life. I wasn’t willing to go back to being that sick person. It took almost losing my health permanently to learn to treat myself as well as I treat everyone else around me!
So why did this happen?
Why had I ended up so sick? Because I had prioritized everyone else’s needs over mine for almost a decade. I had been running my engines in overdrive for so long it seemed normal. Because I was able to do everything without much sleep and still function, I thought I should. But just because the damage doesn’t show up immediately, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Many parents trying to work and care for young children can end up in this situation. Add in caring for aging parents, special needs children, divorce, or any other types of trauma, and the problems are just magnified.
With hindsight I can see there was a lot of help around that I just didn’t know to ask for. I knew how hard it was, and I didn’t want to impose the stresses I was having on anyone else. And there were lot of things that just could have waited a while. Nobody remembers laundry not done or the house not cleaned. I had to learn how to say “I need help”. “I need a break”.
Repeating the pattern
I would love to say I learned my lesson for good after that long journey. While this 6 month “body rebuild” returned me to a healthy state, I had to learn to change the habits that had broken my body in the first place.
Unfortunately I repeated the process a few more times, but each time it was less severe. I recognized the symptoms earlier, and knew I had to pull back and get help sooner. Which made the recovery faster. The pattern has taught me to see the cause and effect of how I treat my body, and how it reacts. It is pretty simple:
When I sleep enough, eat well, get some exercise, and keep stress reasonable, I have amazing energy and feel years younger than my actual age.
When I don’t do those things, my joints start to ache, my knees hurt, my eyes ache, and I feel hungover in the morning without drinking anything!
There is still often too much that needs to get done, and I often feel like I am the only one who can or will do it. The pressure that it “needs” to get done is intense. But I know that I am hurting myself when I continue to push through, even when the “maintenance overdue” lights are flashing on my body. My body doesn’t care why I am treating it badly. It just breaks down when I do.
If you are experiencing any of these issues, please ask for help. There is no shame in letting others know you are struggling.
Healthy Foundation Checklist
~I eat a well balanced diet most of the time
~I get some form of exercise a few times a week
~I get at least 6–7 hours of sleep most of the time
~I have a good friend I can talk to who is positive and supportive
~I have someone who can help me when I’m overwhelmed
~I often feel content
There are many things that could go on this list, but it is just a thought starter. If you don’t feel good about your answers here, you probably need to spend some time and do some work. There are a lot of resources available, both online and in your community (depending on where you live). You need to prioritize the area you are struggling with and invest some time on it. You can read a book, talk to a friend, get a coach, take a course, or ask a mentor to help you. Or message me!
No matter how bad you feel right now, know that it can get better. There is a way out. One step at a time.
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. Please see a medical Doctor if you are suffering with your mental or physical health. I am sharing my experience, so that if you have similar experiences, you can decide if the steps that helped me get healthy, could work for you.
